Phew. Things change quickly during pregnancy. My main goal right now is just to keep breathing and stay in the present moment. Admittedly, it hasn't been so easy the last few days...
I seem to have just enough energy to obsess about things that need to be done, and wallow in the moments when I realize that the uniqueness of C and I's long distance pregnancy makes certain things all the more stressful, and a little sad.
Distance puts any relationship to the test, especially a newer relationship, and especially especially a pregnant one. And so far, C and I are making it work. In fact, I think we've grown closer in a lot of ways, and we surprise each other and even ourselves a little more every day with how willing we both are to connect, and bring a smile to each other if even for just a minute. We are growing as individuals, as a couple, and we're feeling out our parental minds as much as our little baby is developing their...everything.
Still, there are just some days when the company of my partner, friend, and love are irreplaceable by family or friends. We both have days when we wish we were coming home to each other, and could snuggle up and know that things will be okay in the comfort of each other's arms. There are days when baby seems to have grown overnight, and seems set on breaking out of the womb via karate, and I wish C could feel it, too. Then there are days like today when I feel extra tired and moody and just want the special treatment that only he is equipped to give me. There are doctor visits- well, midwife visits now :)- that I wish he could attend so we could be in sync with exactly what's happening with our baby.
Simply stated, this is all pretty tough.
But, for the first time in my life, I feel safe knowing that C loves me, and that he cares enough to see this through together. Faith is a powerful thing, and we have faith that it will all work out. Before we know it, we'll be together, welcoming our beautiful baby boy into the world.
Today, though it was hard, I was able to take baby steps to lift my mood. I ate some healthy, hearty meals, even though I could have easily slept through the whole day without eating a thing. And I think I may have managed to find a Doula conducive to our budget.
Positivity leads to progress.
