My Journey into Mamahood.: The Birth of Isaac Rolando Sasscer

The weeks leading up to Isaac's birth were filled with surprises. In April, Baltimore appeared to be splitting at the seams as riots broke out around the city. By the end of May, Houston had been severely flooded. Homes had been washed away and many roads were inaccessible for several days. My parent's car had even been flooded rendering it un-salvageable. The plan was for Charley to fly down on May 30th- the same week the worst of the flooding occurred. I began to wonder if he would make it here in time for the birth. Before going to bed at night, I would rub my belly and tell Isaac that it was almost time for him to join us here in the world, but could he please hang on a little longer so that Daddy could be here to greet him, too.

I am convinced that Mercury going retrograde is responsible for the freak show of events that soon followed. The Sunday that Charley was scheduled to get here, he missed his flight. When he called to deliver this news to me, it initially felt like a catastrophe and in an attempt to comfort me, he told me that one day this event would make a great story. "Too soon", I told him. But, as I write this now, I look back in amusement and endearment. Right after I hung up with him, I dropped my phone on the pavement and shattered my phone screen. Brilliant. I resolved to eat my weight in strawberry cheesecake ice cream (which was quite a lot by this point) and then I went to bed at 6pm, wishing for tomorrow to come as soon as possible.

The next day, My mom and I picked Charley up at the airport. Seeing his face again brought me such comfort and happiness. "Phew", I thought. "It's going to be okay now." We stood in baggage claim waiting for his luggage which he very impressively managed to keep to a bare minimum of one small suitcase. He rubbed my belly in bewilderment at how much it had grown. "You look so beautiful", he told me. I always pretend he's mentally deranged when he compliments me like this, but it's especially sweet to think about now, since I felt about as attractive as Ms, Trunchbolt in Matilda at the time, and no matter how many other people told me so, it meant so much more coming from him.

I was excited for Charley to meet my midwife and tour the birth center finally. On May 1st, we went together to my appointment. He met the "backup" midwife, Jaymee, who I had scheduled extra time with in advance, so that we could ask as many questions as possible, and talk about what to expect during the birth. Jaymee explained all of the various scenarios that would warrant us potentially transferring to a hospital, which, though daunting to think about, I think brought Charley a bit more clarity. I had been really eager to be "checked" (to find out if I was effacing or dilating AT ALL). However, I hadn't experienced any physical cues that this was yet happening, and my belly hadn't appeared to have "dropped" much, so Jaymee forewent that procedure, and we agreed to wait until the next visit, when I would officially be 40 weeks (full term), before checking my cervix. I remember Jaymee saying, "I will check you today if you would like for me to, but if you aren't experiencing any signs, it's not really necessary, and we can check you next week... IF you last that long..."

I had spent that evening bugging Charley to go for a walk with me in the very unappealing, muggy, 90 degree heat. He was completely wiped out from working insane hours and probably hadn't had so many hours of uninterrupted sleep in months, that I finally gave in and decided to go to bed early with him instead. I was told I would need all the energy I could get for when I went into labor anyhow.

Bernadette, my primary midwife, had suggested I start taking a variety of herbal supplements a few weeks prior to my "due date", in order to prepare my body for labor and to help begin to soften my cervix. These included Alfalfa, which (can) aid in softening the cervix, and improves blood clotting factors, 5-W, which is a combination of Black Cohosh, Squaw Vine, Dong Quai, Butcher's Broom, and Raspberry Leaf. Evening Primrose Oil capsules and Raspberry Leaf tea as well. I hoped that they were helping things along, but I hadn't noticed any changes aside from slightly more frequent Braxton Hicks contractions over the previous week. Well, foregoing the walking turned out to be alright, because that night I started experiencing what I was almost positive were labor contractions. While Charley snored the night away, I lay on my left side as always, doing my best to get acquainted with this new feeling, and timing the space between them. I wasn't sure what I was feeling at first. I kept second guessing myself, thinking that maybe I wished I was in labor so badly that I was perhaps overreacting to these contractions. Perhaps they were just more of the same Braxton Hicks. But by 3am, they were steadily 5 to 6 minutes apart, and I knew that this meant I was definitely in early labor.

I woke Charley up and told him that I was going to call my midwife because I was having regular contractions and thought I might be in labor. I can imagine in his half- asleep state, this was rather alarming to hear. "WHAT?! Are you serious??? Should we be leaving??", he said. "No, not yet. It's still the early stage, I'm pretty sure. I will call my midwife and see what she wants me to do." "Okay Babe," he said, "Let me know what you need me to do. I'm here for whatever you need."

I had always dreaded having to call Bernadette in the middle of the night, fearing that I would wake her up and take away the already few precious hours of sleep she gets, only to find out it was all a false alarm. But, I was almost positive this was the real thing, and it was better to be safe than sorry. She picked up her cell after a few rings and answered groggily, "Hello, this is Bernadette."
"Hi, Bernadette. This is Chelsea Brown calling. I'm so sorry to wake you at this hour but I wanted to let you know that I have been up for the last few hours experiencing contractions, and I think I might be in labor."
"Okay," she said. "How far apart are they? Have you been timing them?"
"Yes, they're about 5 or 6 minutes apart right now. Some of them have been inconsistent, though. They've been as far apart as 7 minutes at times."
"Okay, for how long? Have your waters broken?"
"For the last hour or so. No Ma'am, they have not."
"Okay, here is what I want you to do. If your waters have not broken, I want you to take a warm bath, Make sure it's warm, and not hot. Sit in there for about an hour and try to relax. Have a glass of water. Call me back when your contractions are 4 to 5 minutes apart for at least two hours. If they stay the same or stop altogether, try to go back to bed and get some rest and then call me in the morning when you wake up."

I hung up the phone and started drawing up a bath and drank a giant glass of water. I sat in the bathtub anxiously waiting for my contractions to become closer together, but they never did. After an hour, I got out of the bath and went to give my mom a heads up that I had called Bernadette and to standby incase we needed to go to the birth center in the morning. I texted my doula, Kristi, to let her know what was happening, and she assured me that she would be standing by that day.

I layed backed down next to Charley and tried to fall back asleep but I was glued to the stopwatch on my phone, hoping for things to start progressing more quickly. I finally got up to make some tea, and noticed two missed calls from Bernadette on my phone. I called her back right away and she told me that she was just calling to check on me and see how I was doing. I told her my contractions were still 5 minutes apart, and that I tried to lay down and rest but I was feeling too anxious. "I am at the birth center now, if you would like to come in. If you would rather stay home and labor for a while longer, that is okay too. It's up to you.", she said.
"I'm not sure. Maybe I will wait a little bit longer. Can I call you back when I think I might be ready to come in?"
"Of course. Try to rest in the meantime, Chelsea. Your body is really going to need that energy for that later stage of labor. Try to eat something and stay hydrated."

I ate a cup of cottage cheese and drank more water and waited about 45 minutes more before deciding to go in and have Bernadette check to see just how far along into labor I was. My parents packed up the car with the car seat, and Isaac and I's overnight bag, and then Charley, my mom, and I were off to the birth center. Dave drove separately from us incase we had to transfer to the hospital for some reason and needed the extra room.

When we arrived at the birth center, a man came walking into the waiting room holding his 5 minute year old son, and introduced him to his new son's grandparents, "Mom, Dad- Here he is! He's here!" This was really awesome to walk into. What a wonderful energy it brought to the start of our own birth experience. Charley and I sat in the waiting room gushing with excitement and taking photos to capture the start of a day we would remember forever. A birth assistant came to the waiting room and called my name. We followed her to one of the birthing suites and she checked all of my vital signs, and listened to the baby's heartbeat. I'm still a bit confused by what she meant when she said that the baby's heart rate indicated that he would "be here any minute". I was shocked by this news and Charley and my mom were a bit panicked by it, too. My doula arrived and I told her what the birthing assistant had just told me. It seemed a little too easy. The contractions were uncomfortable, but if this was all the fuss people made about childbirth, then either I had the pain tolerance of Hercules or all the women I have spoken to have the pain tolerance of... well, an infant. My midwife came in and checked my cervix and determined I was only 2cm dilated and 80% effaced. In other words, a baby was NOT about to be born any minute. I was a bit relieved, but also a bit disappointed.
"Don't be disappointed!", my midwife didn't miss a beat. "You're in labor! This is all very good. We just need to start doing some things to move it along. You can either start walking, or, you can go home and take two Benadryl and get some rest. Believe me, you are going to need it."

I opted to go home and get rest. Although I opted out of the Benadryl, at least at first, because Benadryl usually lingers in my system and makes me drowsy for hours. I was worried I would be too tired to give birth when the time came. After several hours of intensifying contractions, however, I gave in and took one. Although I don't remember sleeping for more than an hour or so. I spent most of that day bouncing around on my birthing ball, both because it soothed my back and distracted me from the pain of the contractions, and because it helped the baby descend further down. I put on my headphones and listened to my Hypnobabies CDs and it put me in the calm and accepting frame of mind I needed to be in for the next several hours of labor. Around 4pm, Charley and I went down the street to my favorite mexican restaurant. The meal is a bit of a blur because by this point it was hard to sit still and I was getting all kind of concerned glances from nearby patrons. It was only a couple more hours after we got home that my contractions finally graduated to 4 minutes apart. By 6:30, my mom suggested we call Bernadette, and she advised us that it was time for us to come in and have a baby!

We arrived at the birth center again and this time I was assigned to the birth suite that I had hoped for and envisioned my birth in for such a long time. The sun was going down and the birth center was technically closed. My birth would receive Bernadette's undivided attention and we were gifted with the utmost privacy. Charley and Dave went to get some food before we were in the thick of things, and my mom arranged and lit the candles I had brought. One of the most comforting scents I will always remember is the white tea and ginger candle that permeated the room throughout the night. I synced up the bluetooth speakers with my phone and turned on Neil Young channel on Pandora, since I had somehow forgotten to make a birth playlist. I changed into the softest tshirt I owned and began swaying my hips on the birth ball again. Bernadette brought me a tea full of herbs that I'm guessing contained many of the same herbs as the supplements I had been taking, because I could definitely smell the Alfalfa. Bernadette told me that she would be coming in and out, but that she was going to let me do what I felt was best for my body, and guide me accordingly. I spent the next hour mainly relaxing my body and getting comfortable in the environment.

Alissa, the most wonderful birthing assistant, came in and told me that we were going to start trying a variety of different things to get things moving. First, we would walk around the birth center for a while. My doula expanded upon this by suggesting that I squat whenever a contraction came on, and she would hold me and help me sway my hips from side to side to help widen my pelvis so baby had more room to descend. We did several laps of this, and each time, I felt the contractions become longer and more intense, although it felt surprisingly good to squat and sway. When Charley got back, Kristi showed him how to hold me, and he took over. We did this for what felt like an hour or two. Periodically, Alissa would stop me and give me a tincture of Black Cohosh, which tasted like dirt, but looking back, I attribute greatly to the progression of my labor. I was getting so excited, and I felt so proud of Charley and I. Everything felt so in sync, and right.

Alissa told me I should sit on my birth ball again, and she would do a number of exercises on various pressure points. Kristi, Charley, and Alissa all worked together pressing my hands and feet. I can't say this really yielded any results for me, but it felt nice.

Afterwards, Alissa asked if I wanted to get into the birth tub. I welcomed this invitation. And I stayed there for the majority of the rest of my laboring. The time spent in the tub is a big blur, as I drifted into the deepest state of concentration I will probably ever know. Bernadette came in to check me, and I had dilated another two centimeters. There were still 4 cms to go. I'm not sure how many hours it took me to finally get to 9, but they were all spent squatting in the tub, alternating my weight from one leg to the other. There were very little pauses between contractions at this point, and I could really only say a couple of words between contractions before the next one would start. Charley sat right at my head and held my hands, letting me squeeze and sweat on them, and told me how great I was doing. Kristi sat behind me and applied pressure to my lower back during contractions, as I had started to have back labor. And it. was. awful. Alissa gave me another Black Cohosh tincture, and at this point, the bitter taste of it was enough to make me (almost) vomit. At one point I had to pee really badly, so Alissa and Charley helped me out of the tub, and as I stood up, I felt a warm stream of fluid down my leg. My water had broken! This gave me a little rush of encouragement.

Hours passed and the contractions just kept getting stronger and stronger and closer and closer. With each contraction, I moaned louder and louder. Kristi helped me remember to keep my moans low, so that the vibrations could help baby along. All I could think about was getting through each one. I thought that I HAD to be at the "Transition" point. It just COULDN'T get anymore painful than this. It just couldn't. I asked Kristi desparately, "Do you think I'm in Transition yet?" and she looked at me sympathetically and told me that I was probably almost there, but not quite yet. This realization almost crushed me. I started to question myself and just how in the hell I was going to do this. And then I reminded myself that I simply had to, and I would. "You're made to do this", I kept telling myself. And also, "The only way out is out. The more you relax, the quicker things will go." "Accept the pain. Don't fight it." Hypnobabies birthing technique denies the use of the word "pain", but I excluded this principle from my own preparation, because I wasn't totally sold on the idea, and I thought the discouragement I would feel from feeling the pain I wasn't supposed to be feeling would be... discouraging. All of these mantras kept me in a positive, focused frame of mind.

Eventually, Bernadette came in to check me again. It was finally almost time to push. My cervix just hadn't totally thinned yet. She tried to manually do something to thin it, but it didn't work. She had me spend a little more time squatting and swaying in the tub, but that didn't work either. She finally told me that I would need to get out of the tub and get onto the bed to try to thin the last of it. Charley and Bernadette helped me out of the tub while Alissa and Kristi wrapped me in a towel and walked me over to the bed. I layed down at the edge of it, with my hands grasping both of my knees. This was by far the hardest part of the whole labor. I'm not sure how long I spent there, but my mother swears it was an hour. Bernadette instructed me to push at the start of my contractions. I would take a giant deep breathe, and push until I must have been blue in the face. Charley stood next to me and helped me hold my knees up, and everyone cheered me on with "Push, Chelsea PUSH!" I never imagined this being part of my birth, and I always thought that hearing the "Push!" chants would bother me, but I truly leaned on their energy and encouragement at that time, because I was on the brink of exhuastion at that point. After rigorous pushing and being sure that my lady anatomy had to have been shattered by now, Bernadette said, "PERFECT! He's lodged into the birth canal! We can see the head! We're going to help you back into the tub now." For some reason, I was terrified that he was going to DISlodge and go back in for a nap or something. "He's going back in! I think he's going back in. Is he???" "Nope! Nope, he's going to come out now."

The whole team helped me back to the tub. Bernadette instructed me to get on all fours and lean over the edge of the tub. Charley sat at my head holding my hands once again. She told me I was going to push just the way I did before, at the start of a contraction, and when she told me to hold it, I should do my best to hold it, so she could stretch the tissues and help me not to tear. She told Charley that between each contraction, he should keep me hydrated, and Kristi should give me a bite of something. I had packed coconut water and figs, and I think any other combination of things probably would have made me vomit. Thank God for that coconut water- an otherworldly beverage. This stretch of time was the most intense and the most emotionally charged, I really can't articulate just what I was thinking or feeling at this time. I was exhausted, and elated at the same time. It took several more pushes and a whole lot of sweat, but suddenly, at 4:11am, after 24 hours of labor, Bernadette said:

"Reach down, and grab your baby!"

I was dumbfounded for a minute, I think I even said "What...?"

But I reached down, and felt his slippery little body between my hands. I pulled him up and sat back in the tub and could not believe this moment had finally come.

People always say that the second your baby is born, you forget all the pain, and it's so beautiful. All that good birth stuff that you never truly comprehend until you experience it yourself. When I held him in my arms, all the pain was gone, and the hours of it had disappeared from my memory.
His eyes, his little ears, and tiny fingers were the most amazing things I had ever seen. Life instantly had new meaning, and an element of miraculousness I had never understood before.

Charley and I held Isaac and marveled at his tiny but powerful presence for the next several hours. It was such a gift to have such an intimate experience together. Charley held him while Bernadette stitched up one minor tear I had. We waited an hour for the blood to stop pulsing between the placenta and the umbilical cord, and then Charley cut Isaac's cord. I decided to encapsulate my placenta for various post partum advantages. (I will create a post devoted to this in the coming weeks) I spent some time breastfeeding, and Kristi and Bernadette helped make sure we were off to a good start and had established a good latch. Alissa prepared an herbal bath for Isaac and I (to promote healing for me, and bonding for us) and then the rest of the morning was spent resting and doing paper work.

By 8am the next day, we were ready to go home. No other day in my life tops that one, and I doubt it ever will.